I grew up with the idea that there is good in everyone. It may be hard to find, but if you search down deep enough, you'll find the good.
I have wanted to believe this my whole life. I have tried to dredge up the good. To drill down deep through the shallow surface, the mud, the clay, the core. To point out when the bad guy showed his good side. To believe that the broken part in the bully was not put there at birth. They were not born damaged. They were born sweet and loving and full of light. Something happened. Something changed. A slip and fall and punch in the face and the good hid inside where no one could find it. But me. I could find it, if I tried.
I don't know if I can believe this anymore. It hurts the innocent part of me: the part that wants to breath clean air.
I have had many jobs. Most of my jobs have been either customer service or team related. When I am on stage, I am working as a team. Fortunately, I like actors. Any good actor is honest before anything else. I can see the goodness as soon as they walk under the lights. We may fight. We may have differences. But I know who you are, co-worker, and chances are, I like you a lot.
This is not about you. This is about the side work, the day job, the necessary evil.
The customer.
I have done sales. Tending bar is sales, being a toy demonstrator is sales, being a promotional model is sales....I could go on and on with examples of sales jobs and my past jobs.....
People demand special treatment. They aren't special. Some of them have money....a lot of money. Some of them are poor. They feel entitled, the rich and the poor alike. They ask if I can lower they price or if they can get the second one free. They are insulted. They say loudly that "she is ripping me off" and "don't talk to her, what's wrong with you?"
I am just standing there. Alone. I am behind a bar. I am demonstrating a magic toy. I am giving away a sample. I am just doing my job. I am a good person who is trying to make a buck and do right by my boss. I am not pushy. I don't up sell or down sell. I let things sell themselves. I am smiling and you are mean.
Someone must have hurt you. They have made you feel like you can't trust a girl who smiles.
I have been hurt too. I don't need you to know about that. There is sludge below the surface and broken parts. It's none of your business. My business is to smile and do a good job. It's not the hardest thing in the world.
What is hard is being treated like I am less than you. My fellow bartenders are smart, beautiful, creative, people who I am proud to know. They have more compassion and drive than the average person. They are brave. I don't necessarily know my other co-workers....my other day jobs have been fleeting or solo. Let's assume those people are great.
Lets assume it is not kind to make fun of someone's job.
It's not nice to talk about us like we can't hear you.
You are still a bully, after all of these years.
Disclaimer: Nothing terrible has happened. Today has been a great day.....other than losing my voice. I have simply wanted to address this human unkindness for a while, and being non-verbal today has freed up some time.
Just be nice.
