Some workaholics have been know to say "I would rather die than retire."
I am not one of those people. I love vacation. I love naps and food and playtime. I have designed my career around a life of play. Forever a child.
Reaching for a youthful adulthood.
(We've heard this before, so I will continue forward.)
I have decided to kill Lightning Liz.
For those of you who do not know, Lightning Liz was my make believe alter ego. She was born in high school. I believe she developed during a rousing game of Egyptian Ratscrew.
She started hosting variety shows at Silver Bay. While lifeguarding, she would either will or block rainstorms, depending on the sleepiness and mood of her other, Regular Liz. In college, she had a catch phrase: "Shazam!"
"With great power comes great responsibility."
Okay, so it's not like I have carried her around with me like a twin. I have faults, but I do not actually have multiple personalities. Lightning Liz is fun. Speedy. A handy character that I can pull out during card games, stage shows, or tense situations in order to show whose boss.
Why kill her?
It has come to my attention that I cannot tell the future. Shocking.
Before you get judgemental, consider yourself. It is a rare thing not to think you are special. Everyone does, in some way.
When I got hit by a car in high school, I thought back to the moment I almost turned the other way and said "I knew I should have gone down Sixth St."
My mother would call. "I was just thinking of calling you!"
When I dodged a knife wielding man on the street: "Something told me to watch him closely..."
Really, these events were not foretold. I was just observing.
I often turned a different way when driving home in high school. Of course it crossed my mind to make that turn. It often did without consequence. My mother and I go weeks without calling, and then we start to realize that it has been too long. That guy on the street looked shady, so I reacted with a sense of obligation to stay alive. This is not a superpower. This is simply looking at things in hindsight and choosing to believe that I was something more than human.
Let's think: If I actually could tell the future, I would have had a thousand heart attacks on the subway. My panic attacks would come true.
I would have never have been her friend. I would have scheduled the picnic on a sunny day.
I am terrible at fortune telling!!! I am a fraud! Can you imagine how different my life would have been if I could actually read minds and foresee future events? I would already have my Tony Award.
This may seem simple. It is simple.
But this is freeing. This knowledge that I do not know what will happen has actually given me strength. Not being an expert in the field has given me power.
I will no longer try with all of my might to decide which way to turn so that an air conditioner does not fall on my head. I will not spend a few panic minutes memorizing the right thing to say to the casting director. I will not pretend to be a medical expert when I smell toast and decide it's a stroke.
I am not Lightning Liz. I cannot make it storm.
She is dead. And with it, I can tackle life with a free fall. Not knowing what each day holds is a freedom. It's a gift. It could be the best day of your life, or it could leave you shaken til you are inside out.
Time is my rock star.
I will jump everyday with the knowledge I actually have, and life will continue on. Or not.
Who knows? Not me or Lightning Liz.
