Friday, June 15, 2012

"Discovering a New Fear, a Conversation"

Woman: I've discovered a new fear.

Man: What's that?

Woman: The fear of turning off the TV.

Man: Okay.  I get it.  I'll turn off the TV.

Woman: It is even on when it's on mute and I'm in the the shower and you're working on your computer.

Man: Okay, turn it off.  We'll listen to music or something.

Woman: No, see, now your think I'm attacking you.  That's not what I was doing.  I keep the TV on all the  time.  When you are not here, the TV is still on.  I keep it on when I walk the dog for Christ Sake. When I turn it off it's a bold decision.  I turn it on (snap) just like that....the minute I walk through the door.

What am I afraid of?

Man: I don't think it's a fear thing.  It's a habit.  A bad habit.

Woman: I've thought about this.  It's not like a fear of being along.  I love being alone in the quiet sometimes....often actually.

Man: So you want me to leave you alone.

Woman: That is not what I'm saying.  What I meant was....usually when I am in a situation where I find myself alone in the quiet, I think it's peaceful and nice.

Man: Hippie

Woman: Okay.  It must be a fear.  It's compulsive.....and my default emotion IS fear.  My compulsion to keep a background running at all times is my immediate way of keeping the fear at bay.
But what am I afraid of?
Turning the TV off?
The silence I cherish?
Getting actual true artistic thoughtful work done?  Committing to that?
...Oh shit.

Man:....What?

Woman: Am I afraid to actually get work done?  Like, real true to life true to art work?  Am I just delaying my fear of that failure?  Of failing at the thing I have wanted my whole life?

Man: I think you're just lazy.

No comments:

Post a Comment