Saturday, December 22, 2012

The social experiment of the half-eaten bagel

The other day I was tending bar.  I had switched shifts with a beautiful, smart, funny, friend of mine, so I was working her usual shift during the day.  Certain things, well...a lot of things bother me about people when I bartend.  This is why I tend to limit my bartending to one shift a week, give or take.  I am poor and less grumpy because of it.

Still, I would like to talk about something that bothers me every single time I work during the day.
(This post has a positive happy thoughtful ending, so please continue reading.)
When you work a daytime shift at a bar, you have tasks that are unlike the nighttime tasks.  For instance, you may have to work on changing the beer menus or cut fruit.  These things do not bother me; actually, I find them to be a sort-of fun time taker.

This is what drives me absolutely crazy: if I am doing one of these little chores and the bar is empty, a customer will come into the bar and sit directly in front of my task even though every single stinking seat is open but the one directly in front of my work. See, right there, right where they decide to sit, is a chalk board that takes up double the width of the bar preventing comfortable seating, or it's a cutting board that is full of lemons, limes, juices, and knives, and thus, leaves no room for a customer's drink.  I do not know why this happens.  It makes me want to eat my own arm and swallow my fist.  It makes me freaking insane, and it happens every single time.

The other day that I was working happened to be bagel day. We give away free bagels, and isn't that nice? Well, I decided to conduct an experiment of sorts.

Is it me that draws them to the unavailable area?  Or is it the unavailable area itself?:

My boss came in and ate half a bagel.  He left the other half on the bar.  I knew he was done with it, but I decided not to throw it away.  Understand, I had completed all of my side work, and this was something different.  The half-eaten bagel did not require my presence.  A half-eaten bagel can be anyone's.  It is simply an object on the bar that is clearly not the property of any new customer who has just entered.

I watched as twenty, (20!) people walked in through out the afternoon to a relatively empty bar and sit directly in front of the bagel.  In the early hours, daytime shifts are usually a one or two beer stay for most customers.  In the course of 2 hours, twenty people can easily come in, drink, socialize, leave and only see about 2 other people at the bar...so the bar is pretty empty even though twenty people have come and gone.

I would move the bagel to a different seat when someone new entered the room.  They would survey the bar and choose the seat with the half-eaten bagel in front.  Then, I moved it to a random location.  The next person comes in, says hello, and again, sits at the bagel.  A HALF EATEN BAGEL?  Don't you feel a little insane just knowing this happens?

ARGH!!!!!

So this is the kind of thing that bothers me.  I get angry just thinking about it.  I also get angry walking behind people who weave back and forth, people who ask me personal questions that do not even know my name, and people who listen to their headphones at full volume on the subway.  This is only naming a few things that people do day to day that make me sign audibly and role my eyes.  Usually I say "jesus" or "are you kidding me?" under my breath.  It's all very passive aggressive-like.

Then something tragic happens.  People die.  Children are shot.  The Earth speeds-up, slows-down, screeches to a halt, yet continues to rotate.  Christmas is cancelled. Peace has never been so far out of reach, and war is birthed out of our anger and sadness.  We are fighting for new laws, fighting for answers, fighting for sleep at night.

Someone comes up with a nice idea: twenty-six acts of kindness for the twenty-six killed.

I want to be a part of that. I want to help the healing and bring back the holiday spirit of giving and peace. I want to fuck this Apocalypse til she knows the meaning of the word "love."

Yesterday I stood up and gave my seat on the subway to an old woman.  I started to congratulate myself and check a random act off my list. But than I realized that this is not a random act. This is a regular act. This is how we all should live.  Giving your seat to someone on the subway should not be a kind act, it should be a regular act.

Than I picked up a wallet for someone who had dropped it.  Again, this is not a kind act.  This is an everyday act.  

I have no money to give.  I have little time to spare.  I can do these simple things for people, but these are things that are already done.  Anyone should be so inclined to help someone in need in little ways.  There are not twenty-six times to do this.  This should happen every single day.  It must.

So I have decided to become more understanding.  I will try to end the huffing and puffing and blow your house down.  I will realize that maybe the person swerving in front of me is reading a text that is immediately taking her focus away from the world around her.  Maybe the person asking personal questions finds me interesting and is looking for a way to form an actual conversation where names are exchanged. Maybe the person listening to their headphones at full volume has panic issues, like I have.  Maybe my need to read a book does not work for them.  Maybe they need to plug in and close their eyes. Maybe I have been so misunderstanding.

And at times, misunderstood myself.

Right now, this change in thinking is what I can offer.  

I am still looking for an answers.

Like: why are people drawn to a half-eaten bagel?


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